I randomly decided that today I should update my things and write a journal. While I look at the past one it make today exaclty 6 month since the last one.
obviously in 6 month a lot have happen. (sorry in advance its not a happy journal, so if you dont want to read depress\sad vampy stop here)
I still work at my 2 jobs at the same time and its killing me piece per piece. Im currently trying to find another job with a better salaray and obviously a better schedule hahaha I want my sleep and time back ;A;''. so like this I wont have to work 2 job on the same day and have actual sleep in between. ANYWAYS!
exept that im dead tired, im kinda dead inside too. Since the begenning of the year it was problem over problem. People talking in my back (thinking I won't hear about it....), some verbal fight, problem with completing cosplay, motivation is also dead, not seeing anyone, feel like you are left out and no one like you,etc etc etc. Anyway Its 2016 hahaha I kinda have a malediction where the year is a even number like 2010,2012,2014 are like my worst year. Its also spring, wich is also my worst season in moods XD'' so not a good combo.
I'll get better in summer ( i hope).......
anyway XD on convention note there was some modification in plans
after my other post there was geekfest and quinte mini con, was so dead tired because of the halloween rush that I didn't finish my isis cosplay yet, I kinda did screw this I choose sleep XD' ( i got sick at least 3-4 time during october and november because I was over working XD') So around october and november only nozomi halloween was made. ( wich I look dead on pictures XD'')
after that there was the studio shoot in december, who was the same day my first job christmas party, I had lost part of my chuchu cosplay from show by rock,had to go buy some in emergency, got there during the last hour of the shoot, get dress.... wrong wig ;A; cries alot. So chuchu have no official shoot yet. I did win a go pro at my christmas party job, so it make me happy and felt better since I was feeling like shit because of the begening of the day.
And so my plan to do cosplay\convention vlog had start! I did a youtube channel call visuvampy chanel (yes I jsut saw I made a mistake and forgot a N hahah I wonder if I can change that)
then work work work work, and cosplay rush to do my yuuko from xxx holic for Ganime, we kinda started late and obviously we did screw that the night before XD' So I was wearing maki st-valentin day from love live on friday and chuchu from show by rock saturday and sunday. Obviously original plan where yuuko and mewtow gijinka but everything went wrong ( and I got sick yet again)
then my birthday, got 22, was normal like every year
then there was katsucon where original plan was Mewtow, yuuko, caster from fate\extra and snowy mountain eli from love live. In 2 weeks I had to do screw yuuko again... then mewtow because still didn't have my wig. So it was all snowy mountain and caster... but somehow everytime my boss tell me she will need to give me less hour at work I get double time instead and on convention rush... So while crying my life out during those 2 weeks I had to drop caster for the convention again because lets face it, my schedule is terrible, my mood was already dead from the convention before, and working on 2 costume switching from one to another wasn't a good idea in 2 - 3 weeks. Snowy mountain was choose because I had a full group and that our caster trio, one had already drop so we just decided to report it later.
so it became love live weekend! snowy mountain on friday and st-valentin maki on sunday. On saturday me and Nefer cosplay did a switch and she was wearing my fye from tsubasa and me her sesshomaru from inuyasha. There was a small fire at the con on saturday it was windy and cold outside XD', it was a fun convention, but in general I had a bit less fun than 2015. (duh its even year omen!) but still had enough fun to go back next year and yeah it will be a odd number year.
then work,work, work and cosplay rush to finish what is left of yuuko. We decided to go to nadeshicon to try again since we didn't do Ganime. It was not in my plan to go, but we had to so I took days off. it was such an horrible convention for me... there was big communication problem,drama and other problem I wont mention. And people spreading rumor that made me in a very bad mood and almost broke one my friendship etc etc etc in short I hated it. Friday no cosplay, saturday yuuko and sunday chuchu again. ( I also got sick there -A-'')
because of that weekend tought I had to change world cosplay summit partner, because we saw that it didn't work well together for many reason, we talk and everything is okay now, but no wcs together. What is worst tought is people back stab me telling the weekend was horrible all by my fault and that I am the only one in the problem, wich is not, but Im use to be pointed and accuse and that people spread rumor on me.
and then friend and people who know kinda what happen that weekend ( but not know my version) will still talk in my back this is the worst part of it.
for 1 week I had close my facebook, sadness, hate and full of unheatly emotion was starting to flow in my mind. I got better and open it back after the one week schedule. but sadly im getting slowly back in that mood so thinking of closing it back again.
to not repoduce nadeshicon problem\drama, I decided to start working on my otakuthon cosplay so I wont have to cry my life during summer. I got a power motivation for about 2 weeks, and now its already dying XD'', that why im starting early, exhaustion, moods, time, etc.
I am suppose to go to comic con montreal and wear Tiffany from bride of chucky, finish my isis cosplay and do one of the flight attendant in the fifth element movie.... but right now im currently wondering if I still want to go, a side of me is like I want to see people and the other side is like I dont want to see anyone anymore, another is like but I need to start my costume or finish them and another one is like what is the point to it... everyone will bitch everything you make or do anyway, its been the circle of life since 2012. A part of me want to be happy and loved and the other part want to cry and run away far away from my country and never go back.
in short yes I am in a terrible mood hahaha if you didn't understand already
otakuthon there was also some change in schedule. Friday and saturday still are the same but I have drop the clow card group on sunday for many personal reason. So i'll be doing a solo cosplay that I keep secret, because its not something people are use to see me wear or do, and I don't want the same speech of what I don't see you do this, it doesn't fit you, you will never be able to do it, because yes I often get that speech unfortunatly.
so obviously with all the accumulation of all this, that why I wasn't much here on DA like before. I probably won't be much more during the summer, but my mood qcan change day by day, so we will see.
You will still see cosplay picture since there is still some plan, but so far I have no cosplay photoshoot plan for this summer, if yes they probably be solo exept for convention.
sorry for that depressing post but some people need to understand that not everyone is strong like them and that talking in the back of people is just mean and can destroy one person estime even more than it was, especially when its not new. I wich it was going back like my first cosplay years when everyone was happy and not judgmental. Cosplay community just got really bad for the worst. It all became of how popular you are! one person do something oh its okay its her, the other do the same and look at her how stupid of her. you do one mistake and everyone is on your back. You get in a fight\conflict\drama and if you are less popular its all your fault not hers because she is perfect.
anyway I will stop here XD'' I could go on for long and long and write a book. Sorry for my depressing post but putting it out of my heart make me feel a bit better, a weight less. because now people know what I think and feel. Im tired to play the strong vampy , when inside im not.
also I will not accept any means comment and some people know who they are. if you do I'll block you here too.
also sorry for my bad english yet again.
Listening to: music at work and in my car
Reading: berserk, lawful drug,etc
Watching: WCS skits
Playing: puzzle and dragon + love live (Always)
Drinking: nothing at the moment